Lindsay Lohan was rushed to the hospital yesterday after she collapsed on the street. An ambulance was summoned and she was rushed to Graves General Hospital & Clinic.
This morning there has already been an announcement that Ms. Lohan is doing better and that the collapse was due to her eating habits over the past couple of years.
"The lady apparently hasn't eaten any vegetables at all for some time", announced hospital spokesman, Leonard Finestein.
Finestein, handling lots of questions from the press, stated that a feces analysis had revealed the facts of what he had just stated, after they had questioned Ms. Lohan after the discovery.
"She told us that she hasn't felt well in months and no wonder. When we asked about the lack of vegetables she stated that should could not remember for sure but that she thought she gave them up after discovering that the things had actually came 'out of the ground' and almost heaved upon learning the horrible truth."
"She then stated that she thinks that was over two years ago."
The hospital had called in a psychiatrist for an evaluation and the one summoned just then came out from Lindsay's room to see the waiting line of news reporters and immediately began shaking his head.
"Come on Doc, give us some news."
"Well", stated Doctor Rendieir, "She's got to be transferred to a private institution to relearn eating habits. I see now what is behind her weird activity that's been described in the newspapers lately. Although she doesn't look too thin, she needs the right nutrition badly. But if you mention vegetables, she almost gets sick."
"Then she starts in about those things coming out of the dirt and that they have actually been buried in worms and cow shit in many cases."
"These fecal statistics are very troubling indeed," remarked Doctor Finestein, "Aside from the occasional trace of an olive or two, we were unable to find any chemical evidence that Ms. Lohan has consumed any vegetables."
"I have forbidden anyone here or at the place she is being sent to, to mention where we get our milk and eggs."