Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Skoob1999, Bonkettes

Friday, 2 October 2009

image for Bonkettes More Popular Than Jesus Claims Singer BJ Swallow
BJ Spit And BJ Swallow 'Do' Coney Island. Today.

New York City - On the opening leg of their world stadium tour, the Bonkettes wowed 60,000 cynical New Yorkers as they played Shea Stadium.

Hysteria ruled as the planet's favourite girl band ploughed through their raunchy set and the stage was pelted with underpants and jockstraps by an adoring predominantly male and distinctly not gay crowd, who roared their approval throughout the performance.

The Bonkettes were eventually whisked away from their adoring fans by helicopter and taken back to their Gramercy Park area hotel.

A somewhat sweaty lead singer, BJ Swallow told us in the hotel bar as she relaxed and sucked lasciviously on a straw from a glass containing industrial strength absinthe:

"That was awesome. The fans here are just wild. I know it may be a controversial thing to say, but I think that right now, we're more popular than Jesus. Or did I hear that somewhere in a past life?"

Twin sister and band member BJ Spit told us:

"It was remarkable. When we sang our first hit 'Put Your Hand In My Pants Please Mister Postman' the reaction was out of this world. We probably really are more popular than Jesus right now."

Manager, BT Bishop, a part time bongo player, raved about the band's performance.

"This was new drummer Fanny Tickler's first live show. Between them, Spit, Swallow and Fanny Tickler had the predominantly all male non-gay audience eating out of the crotches of their knickers. I'm not too sure about the 'more popular than Jesus' remark though. There may be repercussions on that one."

The Bonkettes are scheduled to play the Maracana Stadium in Rio in three days time. It is anticipated that they will premier their latest release, 'I Wanna Hold Your Thingy' at the venue.

"This gives me an idea for a song," BJ Spit told us. "'Rub Me Do' I like that. It's coming together right now. I can feel it."

BJ Swallow's Japanese artist boyfriend lurked in a corner, being antisocial throughout.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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