Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Food, Hollywood

Tuesday, 25 January 2005

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HOLLYWOOD (AP) Watch out Batman and Robin! Catwoman is on the prowl for an Oscar at the Academy Awards. The box office sensation has movie audiences lining up for tickets by the tens. Even sales of cat food, litter boxes, and hairball remedies have ffallen across the country. Hoping to see a real cat fight between Halle Berry and Sharon Stone, have teenage boys fighting each other for tickets to see Catwoman on the big screen.

But where does Catwoman go when she needs a rest from all the Hollywood hype? Does she take short catnaps? Does she groom herself carefully? Does Catwoman have a secret life? Where is Catwoman's secret hideaway?

Spoof reporter Morgan Truce has been on the trail of Catwoman for several months. "I followed a trail of half-chewed mice and empty tins of Fancy Feast Gourmet cat food all the way across the country to Massachusetts until I found Catwoman's hideout."

Spoof will not disclose the exact location of the Catwoman's hideout, but she lives in nice house in a modest neighborhood. Of course, she has a house full of playful cats and kittens and there is only a slight odor that indicates the presence of large numbers of felines.


"I love all my cats", said Catwoman, "and they love me! We all get along very well. I even run a little "Cat Craft" business on the side when I'm not busy filming in Hollywood. I make quite a few cat dolls, puppets, and stuffed cats!"

"I feed a LOT of stray cats from all around the area. I have big bowls of cat food that I keep topped up. Purina sends one of their big trucks here every Thursday morning. Some of the people in the neighborhood are not especially fond of having a cat lady living in the neighborhood. Can you imagine the fuss they'd make if word leaked out that I was actually Catwoman? So I make it a point not to dress up in my Catwoman costume while I'm here. But I sure miss that costume. Perhaps I'll take a real big chance and wear my Catwoman costume for Halloween. That would be so much fun!"

So, if you live in Massachusetts, keep your eyes open this coming Halloween. You just might have Catwoman ringing your doorbell!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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