Written by matwil
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Topics: Barack Obama, Magic

Monday, 28 September 2009

image for Barack Obama wows the world with his magic show
What nuclear plant? Oh, that massive one in Iran, lucky it was only spotted by Barack Obama this week

Magician Barack Obama once again had his worldwide audience astounded and amazed as his latest tour began this week.

Obama, who has already stunned people by his magical conversion from a rich, highly-educated lawyer into a po' hungry Negro and back again just in time to be elected US President, this week astounded his audience by making an enormous nuclear processing plant suddenly appear in the country of Iran overnight!

At a show attended by conjurors and magicians in Pittsburg, PA, Obama asked for quiet from his audience, and then the amazing trick began. 'Switch the CIA satellites off!', he commanded in that ridiculous 1800s preacher's voice he learnt from watching 'Rawhide' in Hawaii as a child, 'and stand down the endless spy planes over Iran!'

'Now, ladies and gentlemen, leaders of G20 countries, horses, sheep, and American voters, prepare to be astoundedly amazed! Dim the lights, Michelle!', and lights all over Iran went out thanks to the endless CIA unmanned rocket planes hitting so many Middle Eastern cities and killing civilians there, and a drum began rolling to heighten the drama.

'In the name of the Founding Fathers That Turned In Their Graves At Last Week's Show With My Stay In Iraq Trick', Obama said, 'let the nuclear reactor, that whilst used as both a power source in - and we may say unequivocally that this has been and will be such, for such it has and has been and will be -

a peaceful manner is of little threat to mankind, also has the potential to create weapons, be created before your very eyes in Iran!', and gasps and then cheers came from the audience as a nuclear reactor plant that spanned 8 square miles and could be seen from Venus on a clear day magically appeared in that Middle Eastern country!

'Thank you, thank you', the magician said modestly, 'now the people of Iran will thank me with tears in their eyes, or at least tear gas in them!', to laughter from the audience, and his fellow conjurors gathered round him to congratulate him on such an amazing trick. 'How did you do it?', British magician and boot polisher Gordon Brown asked him.

'Shucks, I just copied your Mrs. Margaret Thatcher', Obama replied, ' you know, that time when she made an entire Argentinian navy disappear from the world's satellites and spies for weeks and then suddenly reappear at the Falkland Islands. How we all laughed at that in Kenya, or wherever I was then.'

This week's trick by Obama follows other highly-successful ones by the magician - such as appearing to agree with everybody at the same time while never actually agreeing with them, as he did earlier in 2009. Turning an entire army of Americans from an unwanted colonial force that nobody wants in the Middle East into an essential peacekeeping force there was another trick, and, of course, his best well-known one is the one where he makes endless speeches to the media without actually saying anything.

'Let there be no mistake', Obama gravely intoned, 'my next astounding trick will be the one that makes Americans send endless tax dollars to the fascist state of Israel, and arms them to carry out endless genocidal attacks against the Palestinian people - but for Americans to accept it without question!'

'So put that into your pipe, Mr. - or should I say Sir - Lincoln, and either inhale or don't but do not, under any circumstances, become a ridiculous and unintentionally funny American President. Otherwise Americans might elect you.'

You can fool all the Americans all the time, it seems.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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