Written by lawyer
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Topics: Doctor Who, british

Thursday, 29 July 2004

image for Doctor Found Abusing Penguin
Is This Bird Next

A young British doctor has sensationally been found in a compromising position with a young penguin today. The doctor who is a practised master of Nerdicine, protested that the penguin, or heli as she or it likes to be called, had consented to the act.

We contacted the Star Trek Society, Train Spotters Anonymous and Cardigan Wearers Are Us, with our question, have any other members of their hallowed society's been caught in similar circumstances?

Truly Morgan of the Star Trek Society said he isn't one of ours; we don't condone Nerdinism with anyone other than ourselves at this society. We practise a strict policy of self Nerdinism and anyone found abusing anything other than this position, which usually takes place over a computer screen, will be thrown out.

The Produce Manager of Cardigans Are Us said we see all types in here, but currently we don't do a line in penguin cardies but after this recent revelation we may start. It takes a certain type of sick individual to get Nerdy with a penguin, but hey we just sell cardigans. It sounds like a trekkie or a spotter to me.

We spoke to a member of Train Spotters Anonymous who would only call him self Chuck. This guy may still be in denial and not currently one of our members, the first stage in his recovery will be admitting to himself that he has a problem. Until then he is a loose cannon and pretty much capable of anything, people watch out because if you give this guy a little power, penguins might be just the start

A witness called S. Tory has come forward to say that the Doc once tried cutting him and said the reason was because he was short. We ask you is this a reason to cut someone

The RSPB have promised to investigate claims that he may also be killing penguins in an effort to make a penguin suit for himself, much like the silence of the lambs.

The last word went to the Doc himself, day to day I'm no-one but give me a computer terminal and my penguin costume and I'm God or at least I am to the other nerds

All hail the dark nerd

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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