Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 24 September 2009

image for Susan Boyle Found 'Trolling' Under Scottish Bridge
Boyle yesterday, or any day really

There was controversy north of the border tonight, as Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle, the runner-up in the recent Britain's Got Talent final, was discovered 'trolling' under a bridge near the A75 at Torthorwald near Dumfries.

Trolls, famous in Norse mythology, are known to be devious, human-like folk of the wilderness, living underground in hills, caves or mounds, who venture out into the open to cause mischief for unsuspecting members of the human community.

They are often large, brutish beings, with beastly features like tusks and cyclopic eyes, who steal from farms and are widely-presumed to be responsible for bad luck and accidents.

Boyle, 48, but looking much older, was found crouching beneath a footbridge over a stream next to the A75 road into Dumfries last Thursday by local farmer, Robert Cragg. He initially thought she was a homeless drug addict, and alerted police, who arrived 15 minutes later in a white van, into which they bundled the grunting and screaming Boyle.

She was taken away for 'questioning', but was later released after being served with a caution not to lurk under bridges in the Dumfries area.

Local residents had been told to be on the lookout for a troll-like creature two weeks ago after a horse at a farm in the area had one of its hind legs bitten, and an old man was frightened whilst having a bath, when, as he claimed:

"an ugly fairie put its face up against the bathroom window."

Two 12-year-old schoolboys who had their dinner money stolen last week, told police officers that, although the thief "had all the characteristics of a troll", they hadn't bothered to report the incident to the authorities as such, because the pair had "already seen Boyle on TV, and knew who she was."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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