Hollywood - Spokesperson Valerie Bertinelli says the new Jenny Craig Amputation Weight Loss System promises to provide rapid weight loss to those who have failed with traditional programs relying on dieting, exercise and self-control.
"It's so simple it's a wonder that nobody thought of it before!"
"We've had lots of interest from celebrities who need a quick way to lose weight."
Jennifer Lopez who just signed up had both arms chopped off gushed, "I just lost nine pounds, Thank You Jenny Craig."
"Robert Downey Junior left our clinic after having a leg removed and lost thirty pounds in one day. He said he couldn't be happier."
"I haven't felt this good in years, Thank You, Jenny Craig".
Bertinelli says the program has expanded to go beyond simple amputations.
"Jessica Simpson regularly has her cranium liposuctioned to keep her weight down."