Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Monday, 21 September 2009

image for Susan Boyle Identified As A Neanderthal
Susan On A Good Day

Washington DC-- Anthropologists at the Smithsonian Institute have determined Scottish singer Susan Boyle isn't human--she's a Neanderthal. Susan is the last living link to a prehistoric primate species thought to be extinct for thousands of years.

Susan's receding forehead, massive lower jaw and bizarre hairstyle were the first clues that Susan wasn't human. Scientists secretly obtained x-rays of Susan's head and compared them with the fossil record. She was a perfect match with mankind's closest relative.

Archaeologists believe Neanderthals were very musical, and probably hunted birds for prey. They had well-developed vocal chords and were probably great singers, just like Susan.

Susan exhibits many other traits of a Neanderthal. Her social skills are poor and she'd rather hunt birds with primitive spears than be in public. Her cerebral lobes are small, about 40% of an average human.

Anthropologists hope Susan dies soon. They consider her a living fossil and would love to dissect her. In the mean time, they have given her the scientific name of Neanderthalis crazyhaires in her honour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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