Written by ESB
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Topics: Patrick Swayze

Friday, 18 September 2009

image for The Swayze Effect Grips World
A man in the throws of the Swayze Effect

Catskill Mountains, New York - Strange behavior has gripped the globe following the death of Patrick Swayze. The actor who was best known for his roles in the films "Ghost" and "Dirty Dancing" died this week after a long battle with pancreatic cancer.

Swayze's passing seems to have upset the fragile balance of life on Earth. Authorities in countries around the world report a surge in the number of people practicing leaps and lifts in meadows. "We've never seen anything like it," said Allan Watson of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Watson says an unprecedented number of people are going to the hospital with back injuries, hernias and fractured skulls sustained while practicing these dance moves.

Jails in many cities are near capacity. Sergeant Joe Bluff of the New York Police Department says the city has been plagued by a wave of sexual assaults. "Men are sneaking into studios and grabbing women while they're making pottery." The sudden rise in sexual assaults has been offset by a decrease in bar violence. Bluff says more and more bar patrons are acting as bouncers.

Watson attributes the phenomenon to the Swayze Effect. The Swayze Effect is caused by the overwhelming charisma and smoldering intensity of Patrick Swayze. Watson says the "Swayze" first surfaced in 1987 and ran rampant until 1990. He attributes this latest outbreak to grief. "Patrick Swayze was a cultural icon, an unstoppable force. People were really at his mercy. He didn't really die, his energy dispersed and that is what we're seeing now."

Side Note: The Swayze Effect has not been able to save teenage girls. Rebellious debutantes who angered their father now occupy millions of corners in dance halls at old time resorts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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