Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Thursday, 17 September 2009

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Mary Travers' commune members hold a fundraiser to help pay her final expenses but blow all the money on pot instead

San Francisco, California - Originally forming one-third of the nation's most popular folk music groups of the 1960s, "Peter, Paul and Mary", Mary Travers, like Momma Cass, later grew to form two-thirds of the trio, having eaten, Peter, one of the fellow band members during a failed hunger strike attempt in support of the Cesar Chavez lead Grape Boycott.

"Her death came as a surprise to her fellow commune residents," read the preliminary coroner's report.

Days before her death, Travers began hallucinating that parts of Peter's undigested body were reconstituting themselves in her lower intestine, just minutes after she ingested some magic mushrooms.

Commune residents did all that they could to bring Travers back from the bad trip. Only all their attempts failed.

"We did everything we could, man," said Jerry Garcia Jr., a commune resident. "We took her to the commune infirmary. You know, the Wonder Wall we painted on the side of the chicken coop. We left her there with all the material possessions she could possibly need: a bucket of water and some very smooth grass. But this time, for some reason, it didn't work, man."

Commune residents awoke several days later to find Travers' dead body half eaten by ants.

"It was all my fault, man," said Garcia Jr., blaming himself for Travers' death. "I was training those little dudes to grow pot for me when they escaped last week. I wondered where they went. I'm just sad that I'll never get a chance to see Mary again. And thank her in person for finding...and feeding my little dudes for me."

The coroner later listed Travers' hemp-peanut butter flavored sandals she was wearing when she was partially consumed by ants as a contributing cause to her death.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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