Written by Geneva Slim
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Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Beleaguered diva and Bobby Brown baby-mama Whitney Houston actually made it to the Oprah Winfrey show Monday on her own steam, in a vertical condition and without lackey assistance.

The two-day interview took place on the stage of New York's Town Hall theatre, where Ms. Houston first unleashed her trademark showy vocal style 63 years ago, while still a schoolchild.

Ms. Houston wore a shiny, grey Armani straightjacket, while Oprah chose a fetching cossack ensemble by Dmitri of Jeffbeckistan. Both women wore shoes.

Ms. Houston, who seemed oddly sober, ran the gamut from befoozled to hornswiggled in her "answers" to Lady O's querys. Particularly poignant was the 18-minute pause between the question, "Do you think Bobby was jealous of you?" until Ms. Houston's answer, "uhhhh..... HELL, yeah!"

Oprah was entranced as Ms. Houston described her and Mr. Brown's habit of basing marihuana cigarettes laced with crack cocaine. This, of course, was before the intervention by Ms. Houston's mother, the singer Cissy Houston, who one day showed up at the Brown residence with a large sack, stuffed Ms. Houston into it, and dragged her ass off to rehab.

Part two of the interview aired Tuesday, and included the unveiling of Ms. Houston's teenaged daughter, Bobbi Christina Brown, who recently signed a $17 million-dollar book deal with Simon & Schuster.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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