Amy Winehouse has stated that the courts have planted a bug up her ass, according to a lady who sat next to her on the New York Subway Friday.
"We were just sitting there on our way uptown when this lady with a strange hairdo and sort of wild look in her eyes told me she had a bug up her ass," Mrs Milo Waterhouse of Queens, told me.
"You see all kinds on the subway", she added, "but she was a hoot."
"Did you know who it was?"
"No. I still don't. There are so many here like that in New York. She got on right after I did and came and sat down real gingerly. Then she went into this longass story about a trial date she had coming up about her hitting someone and I'm thinking, 'I hope she doesn't hit me' so I just nodded my head like I always do, and gave her a kind smile.
"She then went on and on about the Police in Britain and DC with all these secret microphones really small but I refused when she told me to scream into her ass so it would cause the listener to go deaf."
"Why don't you just cut a big fart?', I asked and she said she tried but the bug kept her cheeks too far apart. I had to turn my head and laugh."
Winehouse then reportedly wanted to show Waterhouse her ass to see if the FBI had planted "a bug up her wazzo!" because it had felt odd for days.
Then, according to Waterhouse, she claimed they might be related because of their last names, Winehouse and Waterhouse.
Mrs. Waterhouse said she told her they could be and tried to be nice.
"I couldn't help asking her about the fact that she might have been probed by aliens", laughed Waterhouse. "I'm an old fart, you know that?"