Universal City - CA Susan Boyle - the second place winner on Britain's Got Talent - flew across the puddle and touched American soil for the first time in history. When she disembarked from her flight in LA - and went through American customs - a custom's officer looked at the Scot's hair and said - 'Your hair looks like you released a terrorist.' Susan replied - 'It don't brush up too well.
Susan waddled out of the airport - escorted by her private body guards - and was greeted by a million or so fans whom were waiting to see what she looked like. 'I feel like beetle mania' she told one of her guards. One of the reporters thought she said Beatle mania. How can she feel like Beatle mania when she wasn't born yet? Her father ran out of wiskey and hadn't shagged her mother until a week later when he got paid and stopped at a pub to get juiced up.
One of her body guards opened the door of a big SUV and Susan got in like she was trying to get on a horse for the first time. Good she wasn't wearing a dress because if she had - America would have gotten a full view of the UK right in front of them. 'Goddamn that's a big ass'- shrieked one of the reporters. They need a bigger vehicle.'
Susan rolled down the window in the SUV and waved and blew kisses to her fans. One fan shouted - 'Hey Susan - brush up your hair'. Susan shouted back - 'It don't brush up too well.'
Another body guard rolled the SUV's window back up and locked it so no one could hear Susan. She's not allowed to talk to reporters or her fans while she is in America. Her escorts are afraid she will tell someone to fuck off or shove her middle finger in someone's face. She has to be reminded on a regular basis that she is not in the UK where she is free to spew what she wants. 'Where the fuck is Pebbles?' - spat Susan.
Susan's SUV sped off and was on its way to Disneyland where her dream is to ride Dumbo.