Written by Dick Action
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Topics: Vera Lynn

Monday, 14 September 2009

A late-life rock 'n roll resurgence has sent Vera Lynn over the edge of the white cliffs of Dover. She has been admitted to her local drop-in centre and asked to put her feet up, having overdosed on cream teas and aspidistra garnish.

There were clear signs she'd been over recreating; she had been seen repeatedly dabbing her brow with her handkerchief at a recent whist drive.

The frock star had even been found under the influence of pain killers while in control of a stenna stairlift.

"This didn't stop her putting on a show and dive bombing the audience at the Carshalton townswomen's guild" said a spokesman, when I interviewed him from his orthopaedic bath.

Though he admitted having to cancel the opening of a charity shop in Redbridge the next day, as the crowd were still searching for her missing hip.

Petitions to exhume Frank Sinatra and have him present BBC Breakfast News have been proposed but producers say before they place a gormless corpse in front of the camera dancing to the tune of the mainstream, they want to poll the audience to see if they'd notice the difference.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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