Girls Aloud "Phenomenon" Cheryl Cole was left speechless on her birthday after being upstaged by a knickerless cavernous crotch flash by her own Mum.
The Girls Aloud crotch-rotter hit the town to celebrate her 26th birthday with disease-ridden sex addict Ashley Cole, chav bothering mother Joan Callaghan and a bunch of even more pointless haemmorhoids or hangers on as they are known in the business.
Syphillitic Cheryl had local chaps drooling after donning a semi-transparent frock that came close to showcasing her sagging boobs and skeletal frame.
But it was chav-like whore and mum Joan, 49, who whipped photographers into a frenzy after going commando and accidentally on purpose giving our snapper a peak up her skirt revealing a ravaged Battle of the Somme style Kebab.
A friend of the internationally renowned excrement-stain said: "Cheryl was shocked when she found out what had happened. It was almost as bad as when she found out that there was no Father Christmas, which was last week, and slightly worse than when when she realised that she was in fact absolutely talentless and was just existing on the back of her "celebrity" husband" and being part of an internationally syndicated Nazi Rally show, or the X Factor as it has become known."
"But Joan was mortified. This was supposed to be Cheryl's big night, where all the attention was on her and instead like everyone was gazing at this diseased pair of rancid flaps that smelt like Billingsgate on a Summer's day after the fridges had broken !"
But all the talk now is about Joan's cavernous pox-ridden clam, and of course the general sense of utter amazement that Cole actually has a mother, since it was suspected she had been grown in a shit-stained petrie dish along with the rest of Simon Cowell's Pop Abortions.
Sadly the rest of the world has far more to worry about than a couple of in-bred tarts and therefore this story has just been greeted with a sense of general ennui and slight nausea.