There were scenes of jubilation, combopulation and paedoration outside the Neverland ranch this afternoon, after it was announced that, despite the fact that a grand funeral was held to bury him last week, the King of Pop, Michael Jackosn, was today discovered to be alive.
Jackson, 50, was found in a broom cupboard by an unnamed 9-year-old boy who had been hiding there.
It had been thought that Mr Jackson had died of a heart attack brought on by working too hard, or that he may have been murdered by his own doctor. In any case, say his crass family members and nutty relatives, he definitely DID NOT DIE OF A DRUGS OVERDOSE.
Now though, it's been established by forensic experts that he did not die at all, and that the body stuffed into the ground last week was, in fact, a waxwork dummy of Jackson that he had recently purchased from Madame Tussauds in London.
Dr Conrad Murray, Jackson's incompetent doctor, had mistaken the dummy for the star, and had panicked, it has been revealed. A spokesman for Dr Murray said earlier that:
"Dr Murray can confirm that Mr Jackson always had a lifeless, waxy disposition, and often resembled one of the zombies in the Thriller video. This led to the confusion over his death, and the subsequent burial of the Tussauds piece."
Jackson family members, elated at the return of their favourite 'black-turned-white' brother, are considering legal action against Dr Murray for the illegal burial of Michael's waxwork.