New York, NY--Shy Scottish songbird Susan Boyle has decided to 'take the veil' and 'get herself to a nunnery. The 47-year old virgin will join the order of the Sisters of Hysterical Weeping and Nervous Breakdowns at a ceremony on Sunday.
Susan will be known as Sister Bertrille. She will continue to sing, but only songs with a religious theme. Susan, or Sister Bertrille, will be the The Singing Nun of the 21st Century. It is unknown if she will be able to fly like the Sister Bertrille from 'The Flying Nun.' Sally Field is helping her with the transition.
The Sisters of Hysterical Weeping and Nervous Breakdowns dedicate their lives to hysterical weeping and nervous breakdowns, as one might expect. Susan will spend her days crying and pleading with the Lord. Pent up sexual urges and desires will fuel her devotions. The Sisters of Hysterical Weeping and Nervous Breakdowns are rumoured to have the best whip collection outside the Vatican!
Susan will sing a special song when she takes her vows on Sunday. She will sing 'Relax' by Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Susan considers the song about oral sex to be sacred. She will dedicate the song to the Lord during the surreal ceremony.