Written by Geneva Slim
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Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Former US House Majority Leader Tom DeLay apparently is having second thoughts about his participation as a contestant in the upcoming 9th season of ABC's hit ballroom dance reality show, "Dancing With The Stars."

DeLay, whose professional partner is frightened two-time champion Cheryl Burke, has been difficult since his arrival on set, according to M'arc Pringle, an assistant wigmaster on the show. "He's complained about everything from the shoes to the costumes to the fact that he looks like Tom Joad compared to his male professional counterparts. We're all really tired of hearing him bitch," said Pringle. "Just last week, he whacked himself in the crotch with a prop mallet just to get out of rehearsal."

Contributing to DeLay's reticence is his apparent realization that the show never before has showcased a politician. "I mean, what woulda been wrong with Kissinger or Bob Dole, for chrisssake?" said DeLay, according to another semi-reputable DWTS underling. "I always hated those goddamn formal balls we had in D.C. I had to chug the Lone Star every time I had to waltz some goddamn lobbyist's wife around the frickin' dance floor. What in the hell was I thinking with this here goddamn thing?"

Rumors that the show has been in 11th-hour emergency negotiations with former House Speaker Newt Gingrich remain unconfirmed.

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