Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 9 September 2009

image for Caster Tired of The Damn Gender Questions
Caster at the age of two with her mother who said "Caster have donut, she no have pet*r."

NEW YORK CITY - South Africa's Caster Semenya, the world's 800 meter champion held a press conference in Yankee Stadium and told the assembled reporters that she is sick and tired of all the questions questioning her gender.

Semenya wearing skintight Daisy Duke short shorts and a super mini-halter top said that at first it was just annoying but now it has gotten downright offensive.

She said that no one has ever questioned the Williams sisters Venus and Serena about their gender and they have muscles on top of muscles.

She said that no one has ever accused woman wrestler Stacy Keibler of being a guy and she has legs as long as some NBA players.

Caster shook her head and said that just because she has armpit hair does not mean she is a man. She noted that she has French female acquaintances and German female acquaintances who have more underarm hair than she does.

She said that when she traveled to Madrid, Spain she saw a waitress in a Taco Bell that had a goatee, sideburns, and was reading an issue of Playboy Magazine and no one suspected her of not being a female.

Caster took a puff from her cigarette and said that she has never heard of anyone ever questioning Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, Rosie O'Donnell, or Martina Navratilova's gender.

Semenya said that just because she does not swish and sway when she walks, or reads Cosmopolitan does not mean she is not a girl.

She did admit that yes on occasion she has read Sports Illustrated, she has worn men's boxer shorts, she has scratched her crotch, and she has even expressed a desire to go to Alaska and shoot a Moose, but that does not mean that she pees standing up.

She says look at ex-Governor Sara Palin. Has anyone ever questioned her gender, other than David Letterman, Wolf Blitzer, and maybe Vice-President Joe Biden.

Semenya said that she just happens to be a very masculine-looking female. She said for everyone to take a good look at Melissa Etheridge. She then pointed out that she bets that Etheridge could probably beat the hell out of Paul Shaffer, David Letterman's music director.

Caster said that in her native South Africa no one thinks that she is a guy. One individual did question her gender once, but she body slammed him into a jungle tree and tied him up with a jungle vine and did not turn him loose for 36 hours.

Semenya says that she will soon be returning to her homeland where she will find a nice man to settle down with and have babies.

She wanted to point out one final person. She said that some years ago, when she was in all of the tabloids no one ever thought that ice skater Tonya Harding was not a girl.

Even though she could have beaten the hell out of probably 70 percent of all American males and 95 percent of all French males they still looked upon her as nothing but a girl; granted a tough-as-nails girl, but a girl nonetheless.

And Semenya was quick to note that Tonya Harding had bigger biceps, triceps, and calf muscles than her. She even said that Harding had more moustache hair than her, not to mention the fact that she was known to use Gillette Right Guard Men's Deodorant.

SIDENOTE: G Sharp.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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