Written by Mark Mywords
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Topics: Movies

Saturday, 5 September 2009

image for Success Of 'Slum' Films Inspires New UK Blockbuster!
"Oh my God! They're so Tyne and Weird!!"

Buoyed by the success of recent films such as 'Slumdog Millionaire' and the recently released South African movie, 'District 9', set in a Soweto township, British film company Gravy Train Productions are planning to release what they hope will be a similar money-spinning 'blockbuster' in time for Christmas.

"We are drawing on the inspiration of those particular movies," said heavily bearded film producer Seymour Oscars, "in order to bring world attention to the heartrending deprivation of a community much closer to home. And also, of course, to make as much money as we can."

Oscars dismisses those critics who say the film draws too heavily on recently released 'District 9', which tells the story of a group of aliens who land in Johannesburg and are forced to live behind barbed wire in the famous 'Soweto' township.

"Sure, there are similarities," said Oscars, "but our film tells the story of a large group of ugly, heavily overweight humanoid beings who have made a journey from a very far off place to the centre of London, because their own home is nothing but a frozen, bleak, devastated, hopeless wasteland. When they arrive in London, nobody can understood a word they are saying, and in an effort to try to keep them together and contained while the authorities try to decide what to do, these 'things' are herded onto a decrepit tube train at Hammersmith, and made to travel for several hours between Ealing Broadway and Upminster."

"Fortunately," continued Oscars, "we had help from someone who knew something about this particular species, and who had spent three years studying Human Resource Management at the University of Sunderland. Although we weren't entirely sure, we decided to call them 'Jaw-dees'"

The film is to have an all-star cast. "We were very fortunate to find a cast who were able to present these creatures almost perfectly. We cast Jimmy Nail as their leader, on the basis that he was (a) incomprehensible, and (b) not someone who had a problem with the scene where he has to catch and eat a live rat he finds crawling on the line when the train breaks down between Acton Town and Gunnersbury. We also cast Ant and Dec, on the basis that they had a half an hour window of opportunity after finishing filming the last episode of 'Britain's Got Issues'."

"District Line" is due to be released on December 15th.

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