Television executives have today announced how they plan to fill the 200 hours of airtime left vacant when the next series of the 'reality' show 'Big Brother', the last, ends next Autumn.
"It was hard; very hard, in fact. In the end it was a toss-up between this and 'Badgers on Crack'. However, we have decided to go with what clearly turns the public on," said producer and creative thrust behind the new project, David Bigload. "We want to get back to the concept of a reality show which actually does what it says on the can. I think the public will, therefore, be licking their lips at the prospect of the new show, 'Strictly Come, Dancing'" said a cock-a-hoop Mr Bigload.
When I suggested that the BBC have already run a successful programme of the same name, he said "Yes, we are aware of that. However, this being a reality show, we propose to offer the public the chance to enjoy 'STRICTLY Come, Dancing'."
"Each night," explained Mr Bigload, "several male celebrities - and we only intend on having the cream - will be invited to jack-off into a petrie dish, which will then be placed under a microscope and broadcast live against the background track 'Just Dance' by Lady Gaga. In the trials so far, albeit in laboratory conditions, gubb can really bust a tidy groove. The public can then ring in and vote for the hunk with the funkiest spunk. We intend on making this a very, very slick production."
"In any case," added Mr Bigload, "we think the public will be glad to see we've just replaced one bunch of tossers for another."
The programme will be hosted by the geriatric one-time comedian, Bruce Foreskin, and former Arsenal goalkeeper David Semen.