Written by Bureau
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Thursday, 3 September 2009

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A source has told this reporter that Robert Pattinson and gal favorite, Kristin Stewart thought it would be a lark to go to see a real medium just for the fun of it, and inquire about vampires.

Apparently they were told about an old lady in Canada who they could see while filming, and the lady would not be told who they were to keep everything being as authentic as possible.

Pattinson then told the friend that this old lady with a scarf let them in on the bottom floor of a three storey building and took them upstairs where there was a second old lady, even older than the one who had let them in.

"She looked like a gypsy or what I thought a gypsy would look like", stated Pattinson.

The old lady then asked them why they were there, so they told her. They were there because they had heard that there were real vampires and they thought it strange that in an old TV series on vampires, the name was Collins and in some recent books and movies, they were Cullen's. Since the names were so similar, could the old lady use her contacts to communicate with any of that family?

The old lady had looked at them a long time, told them to sit down and got out a red bowling ball.

Stewart then asked the old lady why she used a bowling ball.

She was told that her crystal ball was stolen by her last customer while she was in a trance so now she saw the past and future in the bowling ball. "My nephew will bowl a 292 next weekend, she boasted."

That was when the table moved.

"Oh don't let that bother you any", stated the old lady. "I've seen the dang thing run upstairs crying over spilt milk."

By this time Pattinson was getting a little frustrated.

"Just what is going on here?"

"I'll tell you young man. You two, Robert Pattinson and Kristy Stewart come in here to have some fun with me and I decided to have some fun on my own! You think I don't ever turn on a TV or read TheSpoof?"

Then, according to the source, the old lady laughed and laughed and laughed until Kristie slapped her face.

"Just why did you do THAT young lady?" she asked.

"Because my parents always taught me to always try to strike a happy medium", stated Kristin and they left.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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