Written by Rodd Justice
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Thursday, 4 April 2002

image for Timberlake Demands Britney Gifts Back
Give me those tits back

Annoyingly sugar-sweet and bland ex-couple Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears have reportedly broken up, and the teenage temper tantrums are already in progress. Timberlake, real name Omar Al-Bomber, has apparently demanded Britney to "return the tits" immediately.

Britney is devastated, apparently because her silicon breast implants had great sentimental value. "I'm really attached to them," said the singer to close friends.

Close friends who are willing to betray her in exchange for all expenses paid trips to Pizza Hut. According to them, Britney sent Timberlake angry text messages, such as "I hate you, I wish I'd never met you" and "Who's that girl you were talking to?"

She also questioned his demands, "What the Hell does he want my hair extensions for?!? He must have another girl! I'm gonna scratch that bitch J-Lo's eyes out next time I see her in class."

The emotional effects on Britney have been huge. She spent an entire afternoon watching "10 Things I Hate About You" and listening to their favourite album, "Pinky and Perky's Party Tunes." She also started flirting with undesirables such as Ice Cube, and his brother Ice-T.

On the other hand, Timberlake, this reporter can only assume, must be doing something, I dunno.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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