Los Angeles, California - Comic book readers everywhere are worried about the Disney takeover of their beloved Marvel Comics. They are worried the takeover will result in new unrealistic hybrid of established Marvel characters with that that Walt Disney created way back in the 1930's, 1940's and 1950's. But no other is more worried than the man responsible of the success of Marvel Comics, Stan Lee, himself.
"I haven't slept or eaten for days," said Stan Lee, creator of many favorite characters of the Marvel Comic book series. "Do you have any idea what this merger could do to the comic book world? Lives are at stake here. The 'Incredible Hulk's' life is at stake here. All the lives of the 'Fantastic Four' are at stake here. Yes, even that prissy young-ass punk, what's his name? Oh, yeah, Peter Parker -- I meant to say 'Spider-Man'. Anyways that little prick's life is at stake here too. All of Marvel's comic book character's lives are at stake here. Has the world gone mad? Or is it just me?"
Stan Lee, like millions of other Marvel fans envision, some say hallucinate, a future world where Disney characters and Marvel's comic book characters merge just like the corporations behind them. Forming hybrid characters all for profit. Throwing aside artistic integrity, plot development or even a proper background for the new Disney-Marvel hybrid characters.
"I built up Marvel to what it is today," said Stan Lee. "I rode my artists like they were working in a Korean sweatshop. Then I moved them all to Korea. Cut their wages to shit and got a big tax break from Uncle Sam in the process. That's how I made Marvel into what it is today. Do you think Disney has the balls to do that?"
According to Stan Lee, Marvel comic book fans can expect Disney fairytale classics like the "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" to suddenly obtain Marvel superhero powers. Just like the "Fantastic Four" but without the plausible explanation, even possibly going so far as to calling themselves the "Fantastic Four Times Two".
"Sleepy' will probably obtain the power to put people to sleep with a glance," said Stan Lee. "Dopey', the ability to inject heroin in to the veins of his enemies with some mechanical tentacle thingy; 'Doc' the power to not only heal himself like the X-Men's 'Wolverine' but himself too, making him the immortal one; 'Sneezy' the ability to transmit the H1N1 virus around the world without having to board an airplane. 'Happy' the ability to control people's will with humor; 'Grumpy' is of course, the 'Hulk', only pintsized. And 'Bashful', kinetic superpower to demolish things by pure thought alone, but plagued with the flaw of lacking the will to do it -- That makes him relatable to the reader."
Stan Lee even predicts Snow White will get into the act herself.
"Snow White' will probably have the power of invisibility, just like "Invisible Woman", Sue Storm. Only, in her case, because of her porcelain white skin," said Stan Lee. "That way she can move about undetected and eavesdrop on her enemies."
"Listen," said Stan Lee, interrupting the interview. "I'm awfully tired now. And I have to wake up early tomorrow morning and give my blessing on this bullshit deal. Can you believe that?"
Goodnight Stan Lee. And thanks again for sharing your imagination with the world.
"Oh, and if you print any of this shit," added Stan Lee. "I'll sue the crap out of you. Now scram before I get mad and show my ugly side and have to open up a can of whip-ass on you."