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Tuesday, 1 September 2009

image for Oscar the Grouch Angry at Being Snubbed
Oscar the Grouch is addicted to this.

Sesame Street character Oscar the Grouch professed that he is angry and bitter that he was snubbed for a Swine Flu public service announcement sponsored by Sesame Workshop, the Department of Health and Human Services and Homeland Security in favor of the relative newcomer Elmo.

"Why does that little gay pansy get all the money and the glory?" Oscar asked. "I can do a swine flu commercial even better than that little prick".

Oscar claims he has been with Sesame Street for 40 years but he is never picked for TV ads or Public Service Announcements. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano explained that Oscar was a poor role model for habits involving cleanliness and overall good health habits.

"I've been typecast", Oscar claimed. "Do you think I like playing a garbage eating character? No one offers me those 'cutesy' roles that Elmo gets. I need the money, I have to pay for my ladies and I'm addicted to heroin. If it wasn't for that I would have quit this show 25 years ago!"

Sesame Street management claim they only keep Oscar on because he teaches children the ways they should not behave.

"Bull sh*t", Oscar stated. "They keep me on because I teach kids an alternative lifestyle. I teach them that they don't have to grow up to be an ass-kisser like that fruity Elmo".

Sesame Street claims they may not renew Oscar's contract when it expires at the end of this season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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