Written by Kenneth Manboobs
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Topics: Michael Jackson

Tuesday, 3 May 2005

image for Michael Jackson Fathers Brood of Puppies
From left: Jermaine, Tito, Randy, Janet, Latoya, Prince Michael III

Torrance, CA - The self-proclaimed "King of Pop" is at it again, this time in a slightly different manner. In an interspecies mating first, Michael Jackson has become the proud father of six cocker spaniel puppies.

Recently it was confirmed that 45-year-old Jackson's sperm was used to impregnate a surrogate mother and conceive human quadruplets. Apparently Jackson has now extended his "God complex" to his new found fascination for implanting his sperm in things to see if anything grows. Throw in unlimited funds and a sketchy moral fiber and apparently the result somehow is pure breed spaniels.

Jackson issued the following statement via his website to quell rumors of inappropriate activity involving animals. "I love dogs; I would never hurt or touch them in any manner but heavy petting. To think otherwise is ignorant. This medical miracle was conceived by me and a medical doctor who is a dear friend. The eggs were fertilized in a lab and implanted in a surrogate mother. The concept was conceived after watching my favorite show Miami C.S.I. I thought, ‘If that pretty blond girl can be a forensic detective, why can't I make baby dogs with my own DNA?'"

As soon as the news hit the streets opposition groups were out in force. Some such as the S.N.Y.P. (spay/neuter your pet www.snyp.org) called a halt to all of Jackson's escapades, while others like the Single Parents Association (www.singleparents.org) wondered aloud about Jackson's ability to properly care for his children, who now number in the dozens.

Responding to the harsh criticism a Jackson spokesperson indicated that Michael had in fact made all of the necessary lifestyle changes that go along with raising puppies. "Mr. Jackson has recently undergone a procedure to guarantee the production of milk from six fully functioning nipples at various points on his person."

Even some of Jackson's most loyal fans that had supported him through difficult marriages, two sexual child abuse allegations, seven hairstyles changes, and his latest album have raised an eyebrow to this latest news.

Paul, from New Jersey, wrote on the singer's website message board, "I've been defending him for so long. What is going on now is beyond the bounds of human decency. Oh, who am I kidding, this guy could moonwalk through pig feces and still come out smelling like roses in my book."

Both sides do agree on one thing however, the puppies mainly look like their mother.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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