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Monday, 31 August 2009

image for Arsene Wenger Offered Leading Role In New Mel Gibson Movie - The Passion Of The Christ Part Two
Is This Far Enough Back For You Ref?

It's the hottest ticket in Tinseltown, the role of an ageing redeemer in Mel Gibson's upcoming movie, The Passion Of The Christ Part Two.

Gibson has scoured the world in attempt to cast the lead role, until he finally saw his man whilst watching coverage of an English Premier League football fixture between Manchester United and Arsenal which climaxed in controversial fashion.

"The movie is the story of Jesus's latter years as a senior citizen, a man/God furious at the injustices meted out to him by the Romans. And at the persecution of his followers. I was really struggling to find an actor with the experience and versatility to take on such a role. Then I saw the soccerball game and as soon as I saw Wenger kick that water bottle I knew I had my star."

Wenger, whose side trailed by an undeserved 2-1 margin going into the dying seconds of the game went from ecstasy to agony as a late Van Persie 'equaliser' was ruled out by match officials for being offside.

The charismatic French manager reacted angrily by booting a water bottle along the touchline, a misdemeanour spotted by eagle eyed refereee Mike Dean, who showed Wenger the red card, banishing him to the stands.

A confused Wenger did indeed retreat from pitchside, but only into the Manchester United substitute seats.

Assuming he was taking the piss, the referee signalled that this was unsatisfactory, so Wenger went into the Manchester United fans in the South Stand, holding out his hands, wondering if what he was doing was enough for the ref.

Despite a slip on the stairs which resulted in a Man United wag offering him a pair of glasses, Wenger apparently emerged from the entire unsavoury incident with divine status.

"Seeing him standing there among all those baying Man United fans, hands held out in supplication," Gibson told us, "I knew I had my actor for the ageing Jesus part."

Gibson also approached Sir Alex Ferguson with an offer to play the ageing Roman Governer, Pontius Pilate.

He was told:

"Awae tae fuck ya bampot!"

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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