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Topics: Jessica Biel

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

image for Jessica Biel's Hot Ass May Yield Cyber-Infections, Says Study
Rancher who named ass Jessica Biel astonished by traffic at site featuring pics of delightful donkey.

HOLLYWOOD, CA - When I Now Pronounce You Buck and Harry hit movie theatres, it created vast new legions of Jessica Biel fans; millions of adolescent boys rushed home to rub one out, frantically searching for visual aids featuring the curvacious bombshell.

Cybercriminals apparently noticed the online surge; a new list of the "top ten most dangerous celebrities" in cyberspace placed the former 9th Cloud star at the number one spot. Almost 20 percent of the searches relating to Biel, searches like "Jessica Biel wallpaper" and "Jessica Biel pics," lead to Web sites with malicious content.

That figure jumps to nearly 100 percent for searches like "Jessica Biel hot ass" or "Jessica Biel facial."

Other celebrities in the notorious top ten list include Beyoncé in second place, Jennifer Aniston in third, then Tom Brady, Jessica Simpson, Gisele Bundchen, Miley Cyrus, Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie tied for eighth, Ashley Tisdale, and Brad Pitt.

The findings indicate that cybercriminals know who adolescent boys want to see naked, even the gay ones. Using this knowledge, they place malware at sites hoping to tap a market of young men who would like to tap the asses of one or more celebrities in the list.

Commenting on the situation, the senior vice president of the company that conducted the study said, "Believe me, this is just a taste of things to come. Those dicks of theirs are going to cause even more problems for them down the line."

Her previous attempts having been unsuccessful, Vanessa Hudgens is expected to leak even more nude photos in an attempt to crack the top ten next year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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