Written by Bureau
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Topics: Cher

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

image for Sea Monster In Miami Was Cher!
Ran Right Out Of His Shoes!

Police in Miami Beach now believe that the "Awful Melted Beast" that came out of the Ocean onto the beach and frightened so many people, causing a stampede and three people to be ran over and slightly hurt in the mass panic last Sunday, may well have been Cher.

"We interviewed several people who saw it for a few seconds before running for their lives and they describe it as looking sorta melted-looking but it still looked kind of female", stated Office Pickering of Dade County.

Apparently it was a peaceful Sunday scene while sunbathers loosened their tops and were getting a good tan while others swam and some were having a picnic when out of the ocean near a pier came a stalking, slowly walking, ass-hanging blob.

"It's features were all distorted", stated one witness. "It looked like the female of the species and my family and I were not staying around waiting to the male to appear."

What tipped off Officer Pickering was an article that came out in the Miami Post.

"It said that scientists in Japan had collected samples in waters from the US, Europe and Japan and that one leading chemist, a Mr. Katsuhiko Saido, stated that all the water samples were found to contain derivatives of polystyrene, a common plastic used in DVD cases, etc showing that plastic breaks down very fast in sea water, instead of slow, as they previously thought."

Pickering then went on to describe a group spotting the singer Cher earlier and had gathered around for autographs.

"The last one who saw her said she was swimming out on a raft and that was early."

"It was five hours later that the "Thing" came stalking out of the waters."

Meanwhile, no reports of Cher being sick or injured have appeared, only that a spokesman says that she has gone into seclusion to learn a new form of yoga.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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