Los Angeles - (Gay Ass Mess): It was announced that Michael Jackson died a sad and pathetic closet queen, held together by dodgy gay sutures and addiction to pre-surgery anaesthetics.
The singer's woes started when his rectum collapsed during FBI interrogation about the Jordie Chandler business.
"Yeah, he just shat himself during the waterboarding and needed specialist internal reconstruction," a Motown plastic surgeon explained.
Then his septum gave way because of a freak cocaine allergy to contaminated depleted uranium 'cut' - sourced to Pentagon silos during the first Gulf Whore.
The singer's remains are stored in a dozen plastic bags ahead of a 11 September cremation, after which his ashes will be scattered over the flightpath of the 9/11 terrorists' trajectory.
Lisa Marie Presely is one massive liar.