Written by bluenote
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Topics: Oasis

Monday, 24 August 2009

image for What's The Story behind Latest Oasis Bust-Up?
Dr Harris yesterday

Amid rumours of arguments about the quality of support acts, near-fatal throat infections and cancelled gigs, I can today reveal the truth behind the latest feud between Oasis' Gallagher siblings: Noel has been involved in secret plans to oust Liam and recruit a new lead singer to the band.

And Noel has his eye on a major prize: Sir Paul McCartney.

A source close to the band said "Noel's always been very sensitive about accusations of his work being derivative, and of the band's output being tired and formulaic. He feels that by snaring McCartney, Oasis would no longer be seen as a second-rate Beatles tribute band, but as part of the evolutionary process of the actual Beatles. It would be a double whammy: Noel would be rid of Liam once and for all, and could stick two fingers up at his detractors.

Unfortunately, Liam got wind of the plot, and an almighty row followed, the upshot of which was Noel and Liam throwing punches and trading insults. Again."

The brothers haven't spoken for weeks and tensions are running high.

Yesterday, a statement was issued: "Noel's a ******* ******, him and that McCartney are welcome to each other. If I see either of them in the near future, I'll *** ***** ***** *** *** **** **** ***** *****, *****."

In an attempt to decipher the message behind the asterisks, we showed Liam's statement to several of the country's top linguists. Most declined to comment. However, Dr. Theo S. Harris, head of the Good Grammar and Spelling department at the University of Northeast Hampshire (formerly Basingstoke technical School for Boys), said "I haven't the faintest clue what the **** this chap is on about"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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