Written by matwil
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Sunday, 23 August 2009

image for Oasis cancel gig due to laryngitis making Liam Gallagher's voice sound better
Noel Gallagher

English rock'n'roll stars Oasis had to pull out of the V Festival in Essex today, when an attack of laryngitis made singer Liam Gallagher's voice sound almost bearable.

'After a year on the road impersonating a schoolkid gargling Listerine out of tune', a spokesman for the band said, 'no way could he appear at V and sound like a grown man with musical abilities. So we had to cancel. We're terribly sorry for the two people that bought tickets to see the band, but Noel Gallagher wrote this song for them to compensate:

'Repetitive and Unoriginal'

Is it my imagination
Or have I finally found a Beatles song that I haven't copied before?
I was looking for some action
But all I found was the same old 90s songs that now make us such a bore

We can can spend the rest of our lifetimes
Living off two albums, yeah, that's fine
We might as well retire to the sunshine
Cos when 'Roll With It' starts, you gotta let the sleeping pills happen, you gotta let the sleeping pills happen ...

Is it worth the aggravation
To write some new songs when there's nothing worth writing for?
It's a boring situation
But all I need is royalties and then all of you can start to snore

We can can spend the rest of our lifetimes
Living off two albums, yeah, that's fine
We might as well call it a day now
Cos when 'Cigarettes and Alcohol' starts, you gotta let the sleeping pills happen, you gotta let the sleeping pills happen ...'

Liam Gallagher was unavailable for comment, but his voice said 'I am the walrus', and added 'Goo goo goo joob.' Oasis's next album will be called 'Flogging A Dead Horse. Yet Again.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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