Written by Bureau
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Topics: Adam Lambert

Thursday, 20 August 2009

image for Adam Lambert's Pants Explode, Sues NYC Bank

Adam Lambert, the singer who came in second on "American Idol, has had some more bad luck after withdrawing money from a branch of a Manhattan bank.

Who knew it would cost him a trip to the hospital?

"I'm beginning to think someone has put a hex on me, I really do", Lambert told several hospital staff, according to a source.

What happened was that Lambert needed to pay several bills, mostly for clothing he'd purchased in Manhattan, so instead of the hassle of charging or trying to write checks he decided it would be quicker to get a stack of $20's & a few $50's and have a taxi run him around town, as there should be little waiting at each stop.

He also had a rehearsal scheduled for several new recordings later in the day.

So everything was simple, right? Wrong.

Somehow the cashier, probably no longer working at this minute, mistakenly gave Lambert a special packet of $20's loaded with purple dye, a small explosive device and some tear gas.

Suddenly, while sitting in the back of the taxi, Lambert said his pocket exploded.

"I thought I had been shot in the leg, like that Giant's wide receiver at the bar last year. Then the smell drove both of us out of the cab and there I was, burned and purple and so was the back of the taxi driver's head.

"After he almost slugged me - he didn't speak English well and what was I to tell him, my pocket has just exploded - a policeman came up and asked what happened. When he saw my purple expression, I told him what had happened to my pocket. Actually he was pretty nice because he called the bank first and they hurriedly found out about the teller having given me the wrong stack of bills.

"Then he called an ambulance and it took me to the hospital where they treated the leg burns and knew what to use to de-purplefy me."

Lambert said he is fine now but sore. Before he left the hospital the source stated that Lambert said he would call the scheduled session off and tell them he had a cold.

"Who would believe all this other crap?"

Apparently the bank is now being sued by Lambert and the taxi company.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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