Deliverance, Arkansas - Pole dancing is often the only means of upward mobility for trailer park residents, but now with the Miley Cyrus "Pole Dancing Toy Set for Tweens", Hillbillies will finally have a leg up on the competition: inner-city kids from the projects, tenements and Section 8 housing.
"A hollow stainless steel pole is just what every underage girl dreams of having installed in one of the many bedrooms of her multimillion dollar mansion," said Miley Cyrus at a press conference announcing the release of her latest licensed product exploiting the disposable income of the parents of Tweens.
Miley Cyrus predicts her striptease pole-dancing toy set for tweens will take its rightful place in the hearts and impressionable young minds of her fans.
"Yup, right alongside her nightstand," continued Miley Cyrus. "Along with her Teddy Bear, controversial cover on Vanity Fair magazine and a 20-something-year-old boyfriend hiding in the closet, waiting to cuddle up to and hug all-night long."
For just $19.99 (suggested retail price), your daughter (recommended ages 11-14) can learn to pole dance just like Miley Cyrus and other professional stripers. Bringing her, and her man-child (hooked on jailbait) boyfriend, hours of wholesome family fun, Miley Cyrus wanted to say but just could not bring herself to say it.
"I done pulled out all my little girls from homeschool to give them a head start on the pole dancing," said Martha-Jane Myers, 23, from Battle Creek, Arkansas.
Myers suggest moving quickly on the deal before the neighbors get wind of it.
"Before you know it, all the kids on the block will be swing from a pole on their front porch instead of swing sets," said Myers as she stood with her three girls outside of a Wal-Mart waiting for it to open.
"Not me," said Virginia Hucklebone, 25, from Waco, Texas. "I got it all figured out. I'm making my own dancing pole out of used Popsicle sticks and gluing them to my little Suzie's red 'Radio Flyer' wagon."
Hucklebone claims that that way any pole dancing little Suzie will be doing, will be under her parental supervision.
The adjustable 3 to 6 foot hollow stainless steel pole comes with a color-in instructions booklet covering all the basic moves such as climbs, spins and body inversions. And $1,000 dollars in play paper money, all in one-dollar denominations, of course.
Seedy striper soundtrack is sold separately, but a $5.00 coupon for a Miley Cyrus CD is included.