Written by Ulver
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Wednesday, 12 August 2009

image for High School Musical linked to new disease
High school Poosical ?

Adolescents the world over, when they aren't stealing hooded tops, snorting alcopops and bumming Grannies, are huge fans of High School Musical.

My own feckless brood can often be found staring slack-jawed at the TV marvelling at the antics of grown men and women pretending to be pre-pubescent whores and sodomites.

But the amazingly successful show looks set to be cancelled amidst increasing rumours that it has been linked to a massively painful new medical condition that could prove fatal.

UK and International Medical experts fear that the show has been linked to catastrophic, spontaneous anal prolapse and resultant drowning in your own faeces.

Over 6 cases of this hitherto unknown medical condition have been reported in London alone since January 2006.

We sought out a Doctor's opinion, but none would speak to us so instead we spoke to that Charlie off Casualty, he replied "What?" So instead we went to the BBC and Disney but they wouldn't let us through the door.

Finally we apporoached the MP for Health and TV entertainment, he gave us this statement:

"Do not panic ! There is no proven link between High School Musical and massive anal leakage, nor is there any link between the show and drowning in your own fluids and filth. The labour government has striven year on year to increase the amount of TV coverage for special needs groups such as people in their mid 30s pretending to be teenagers and we will not allow that programme to be disrupted by smear and inuendo."

Sir Quentin Farks Chief Coroner for London today advised, "There is no link between these unfortunate feculent drownings, massive anal prolapse and High School Musical, in fact we are investigating the theory that these men many have drowned by accident attempting to stuff their ears with their own ordure, however tests are ongoing and we do recommend caution."

Until they know for sure, officers from the Metropolitan Police Video Team, Westminster Council Licensing and Trading Standards interference team have been seizing DVDs and tapes of the hit show, and will be sealing them in a lead box concreted into the bed of the Thames.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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