Legendary Irish television sitcom character Father Jack Hackett today became the latest writer for adult satire website TheSpoof.com. 'Arse!', he said at the news, from his typewriter on Craggy Island, 'tits! Bums! DRINK!!'
Father Jack's unique use of the English language will add a certain amount of literary class to an already admirably-written writers' site, or as that priest summed up it so well - 'Arse! Drink! Nuns! Gurlssss ...' And, of course, given that famous writers such as William Shakespeare and Andrew Marvel already contribute to the site, it is expected that even more top class work will now appear.
Shakespeare's spoof articles include 'Romeo and Julie Goodyear', 'Troilus and Ooermissus', and 'The Merry Bits of Jadebore', while Marvel has written 'To His Coy Dolly Mixtures', and Father Jack is already busy composing a piece called 'Arse, arse, arse, arse ... Drink!', cleverly interposing the juxtaposition between Swiftian satire and prattling, adolescent, fame-obsessed unoriginality.
Jack's colleague Father Ted Crilley said: 'Well, we're all pleased for Jack here on Craggy Island, it'll do TheSpoof.com no end of good. For too long it has if anything been just a little too intellectual, too indepth and cutting, even too satirical and scathing about the world and famous people and events.'
'Now we can all look forward to lots of articles about parts of the body, Michaelangela Jadeson, and events that are months if not years out of date, and just copies of other people's articles from the archives. Now, come on, Jack, not the Toilet Duck again!', before receiving a sharp blow in the eye from Father Hackett.
Jack will need all of his writing abilities to cleverly mix events such as neo-Nazis being elected across Europe and deep economic recessions with non-events such as human anatomy and human anatomy, and yet more human anatomy, but he is confident of raising TheSpoof.com to a higher level of adult satirical wit, if such a thing could be possible.
Satire is generally seen as being invented by the Ancient Greeks, and improved over the centuries by the Romans, French, British and Spanish - though of course it hasn't reached North America yet - but now with Father Hackett joining the website, readers are expecting a deluge of articles about 'The world's biggest toenail', 'Why teenagers are so interesting', 'Please can more people who can't write keep writing about each other and bore everyone else to death', and 'Which football team I support'.
'Arse!', shouted Father Jack, 'drink! Sex! Drink! Bums! Jade Goody!', and was immediately appointed as head editor and contributor to TheSpoof.com.