Written by Stu B
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Topics: Big Brother, Fashion

Thursday, 15 July 2004

image for Ahmed leaves the BB house in Dramatic Fashion
Seconds later there was only a crater

In a dramatic development today Big Brother contestant Ahmed Aghil exploded earlier today following an argument with a fellow housemate.

The explosion was heard as far away as Watford and measured 3.2 on the Richter scale.

He was confronting fellow contestants about who is to blame for his contracting athletes foot. The fiery Ahmed was insisting on a line up of bare feet to inspect for fungal infections between the toes when Porn star wannabee Michelle flipped. He countered by his trademark pointing and muttering, "don't you shout at me, no, don't you shout at me" but things went from Bad to worse.

As the argument escalated Ahmed began to whistle the x files theme tune and hop from one leg to another. Dan, the gay PR man tried to intervene by standing between the two arguing housemates.
Ahmed then opened his eyes and said "I don't care to be here, I don't want to quit but I don't care either, I don't care if I win it, I am not here for that"

Michelle, already on a final, final warning for Flip flop abuse and nudity without good cause, then turned to Ahmed and called him a number of names that probably are quite insulting in the North East of England. Her psuedo boyfriend Stu Wilson sat in the corner and mumbled whilst doing his best to look like a girl.

Shell, then came in from the garden and in an effort to calm down the situation, took all her clothes off.

At this point Ahmed fell strangely silent. Over the course of a minute he did not seem to be breathing and finally exploded in a spectacular eruption, covering not only the housemates but 67 cars in the Tesco car park next door.

Nadia, who is also doing his best to look like a girl was also involved in an incident earlier in the week when she broke a two way mirror, stabbed a camera man to death and stole his packet of Marlboro lights. The harridan transsexual was favourite to win this years Big Brother until he fiendish nicotine addiction changed her into a drug starved psychopath.

Ahmed Aghil, aged 44 has been increasingly angry over the past week as his popularity plummeted. His remains were removed from the house by a security and cleansing detail and were then interviewed Live on Channel Four by Big Brother 5 host and presenter Davina McColl.

The bucket containing the remains of the Somali 44 year old were escorted from the house to boos and caterwauls from an assembled audience. Later in the day it was confirmed that the bucket had been offered anger management and was considering an offer from channel five to star in a remake of Fawlty Towers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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