Paula Abdul, who recently left American Idol after several seasons as a celebrity judge, announced that she has found new employment on a different television reality series as a different kind of judge.
Abdul will begin filming new episodes next month as she takes over the chair once held by the legendary Judge Wapner on "The People's Court." The position of baliff, concidentally held for years by a different man named Randy, will go to the multi-tasking Ryan Seacrest.
In sample shows taped as a screen test and to provide previews to the networks and local stations, Abdul showed what made her so beloved to contestants on American Idol for years:
"Now, Travis, we all know that you smashed up Becky's car because she dumped you. But that's just who you are and that what makes you so special...it's because we just love you and you are you and I know that you have your whole life ahead of you."
In her contract, Abdul must report to work drunk at least 40% of the time. She is also required to have affairs with at least 15% of the minority male defendants between the ages of 18 and 25. Both parties in the lawsuits on each episode will also be required to film a television commercial each week for a large, multi-national, refreshing soft drink company due to contractual sponsorship.