Selena Cyrus today, after withering under a barrage of insults from Miley Gomez, appealed for calm in the seriously uninteresting - nay totally fucking boring - war of words between the teen queen protagonists.
"Calling someone a bitch, or a motherf**ker doesn't really make for very entertaining reading," a tearful Selena Cyrus told us. "It's not only damaging to the protagonists, but it's as boring as shit for the readers."
A tearfully repentant Miley Gomez agreed, telling us:
"I am sorry for some of the things I said. But most of all I'm sorry for how some of these comments have been reported. There are obviously some people out there who are misrepresentative of both of us, and who are only looking to make money by writing cheap headlines when there is no substance whatever in the content."
Newspaper editor Tommy Lawton told us:
"Guys, I can only pass on the news as I get it. I'm not here to judge. So the stories aren't remotely funny, but it's my DUTY to report them as presented."
Some disgruntled journalists however have expressed their dissatisfaction at really crap articles by talentless fuckwits.
Union Representative and one-time football hooligan Skoob told us:
"We suspect that there's some jiggery pokery going on here. A bit like Robert Mugabe rigging the vote in Zimbabwe. If that is the case, then it's not being fair to journalists who ply their craft in an honest manner. Far be it from me to pass judgement, but if these individuals don't start writing proper stories with some type of humorous content, then Duncan Whitehead, BuckwheatsButt, Monkey Woods, Morse, JaggedOne, Earl Grey, Birbee, and myslef (sic) might just pay them a little...visit..."
More as we get it.