Written by Frankie The J
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Monday, 3 August 2009

image for Jessica Simpson takes break from men, calls Lindsay Loham for advice
Jessica Simpson swallows but her men just spit her out

Jessica Simpson, the gal guys love to hate, is taking a break from the dating scene, so say friends close to the silly bitch.

"She wants to know what it is about her that repels men," said one BFF.

Following her much publicized break up with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo; a clueless Simpson called neofaggot Lindsay Loham to ask, yet another loser, what the secret to romantic bliss might be.

"I was tired of getting fucked up, passing out, and waking up, alone, with a fire in my crotch," Loham told Simpson. "You have to watch out for men, Jessie. They'll promise you eternal bliss if you'll just blow them, so you do. Next day, you wake up and find your vulva gracing the front page of TheSpoof.com. Men suck almost as bad as I do," Lindsay said.

"I'm tired of these embarrassing, loveless hookups," the singer told the actress.

"Find a willing woman," Loham counseled.

"That's one of the problems, Linseed," Simpson said as she broke into tears. "All the girls I pal around with end up taking my men away from me!"

"That's Lindsay, you blonde bimbette! Get your head outta your ass. I meant you should find a girlfriend and forget about men," a frustrated Loham said.

"I have loads of girlfriends," Jessica said.

"No, you don't, you stupid twit. No one likes you. Die bitch," shouted Loham.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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