Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: The Spoof, Skoob1999

Friday, 31 July 2009

image for Grovelling Is Not The Answer
The Sun, pictured today - Totally To Blame For Global Warming And Police Brutality.

Research results just in from the University of San Francisco appear to indicate that once you put your foot in it, there's little room for a U-turn.

"It's a bit like crossing the Rubicon," Father Frankie J explained. " Like Julius Caesar, who the month of July is named after. He said that once he crossed that boundary, there was nowhere left to go."

Current theories about how the known universe developed from a storm like like system have been rubbished by no lesser an authority than Professor Steven Hawking, who told us exclusively:

"The big bang theory still holds up. The known universe is expanding outwards, and strangely enough it possesses the same qualities as an atom. Nucleus, orbit etcetera. It's expanding all the time. Which may go some way towards explaining global warming. As we orbit the sun we're sometimes pulled in closer by the trajectory of galactic motion. Not saying that we're not destroying the planet by burning fossil fuels and killing the atmosphere, but dickheads like Al Gore and that stupid Onion fucker from San Francisco via some Godforsaken trailer park having a hard life along the way need to grow up and engage their brains before they put their mouth into gear.

"If they have a brain that is."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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