Written by LordJohnOfPevensey
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Topics: Jordan, Peter Andre

Monday, 27 July 2009

ATPN, London - Peter Andre, spurned lover of former page 3 silicone ridden Jordan IfThePriceIsRight (aka Katie), vowed this week to sue the bitch for hinting that he'd hidden another lover in the dungeon of their Brighton lovenest.

"What she's said is so unfair" pined Andre. "We had so much fun in that dungeon. She'd strip me naked, strap me to a bed of nails, and force me to agree that we'd tell the world we'd split up, to stir up enough publicity so that we could write a book, sell the film rights, make some perfume from our love juices, start selling dungeon underwear and a brand new range of BDSM sex toys".

Jordan IfThePriceIsRight later issued her own statement: "There is no justification in the suggestion that my separation from Peter is timed to coincide with the launch of my new book entitled 'My Kids Come First in Every Decision I Make'. Everyone knows that I always put the children first. Where are they?".

Jordan issued the statement at Gatwick Airport following her return from her fifth week long bender of the year in Ibiza, and before making the short journey back to Brighton, where Social Services are said to be in attendance.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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