Rocker Rod Stewart has built a private football pitch -complete with corner flags, goals and nets - inside his nose. The big nosed star has invited all his friends around for a game to celebrate the construction.
The footy-mad singer said it was his dream as a boy to look up pretty ladies skirts, but as time went by and he got sick of doing this day-in-day-out he had another dream whereby his nose would play host to exciting football matches.
The pitch is apparently very green.
Stewart's nose is huge. Now that we've got that out of the way, let me continue with the story.
Construction of the personal; pitch was delayed when Stewart caught a cold and the entire playing surface had to be relayed due to the sticky snot coating that rendered the surface unplayable.
"The ball just kept sticking to the ground and it was not a pretty sight", said the construction foreman in charge of the scheme.
Stewart hopes that his big-nosed friends Barry Manilow, Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman will follow his lead and develop their internal nasal capacity for recreational use:
"Barry could easily fit a miniature racetrack for Shetland ponies in his nose. And Dustin could add a mini golf course to the table tennis table he already keeps in there!"