Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Tuesday, 21 July 2009

image for Dr. Phil brings Closure to Grieving Michael Jackson Fans
Dr. Phil helps grieving Michael Jackson fans to understand when they really lost him

Los Angeles, California

"It has almost been a full month now since the King Of Pop, Michael Jackson, has passed on," said Dr. Phil as he opened his show live outside the Stables Center. "Yet many of his fans are still grieving for him today. Now that maybe due to the fact that at as of the time of the broadcasting of this show, the Jackson family has not buried the body. So I tell what I'm going to do for you millions of Michael Jackson fans out there looking for closure."

Dr. Phil then walked through open double doors of the sports arena to a studio audience comprised entirely out of Michael Jackson fans waiting inside.

"Well, today on 'The Dr. Phil Show' here at the Stables Center in Los Angeles, California," continued Dr. Phil as the camera view switched to a shot of Dr. Phil running inside the sports arena up to a stage already setup. "I'm going to give it to you. We're going to bury Michael Jackson, in effigy of course, live!"

During the commercial break, the cameras rolled back to allow the stagehands to rearrange the set on stage, bring in a backdrop of a cemetery setting, burial headstone props made of Styrofoam, professional mourners, gospel singers and at the center of it all, just like before, a golden coffin, or a look-alike at least (actual composition unknown).

"Why is the coffin empty?' said a visibly upset Dr. Phil looking into the golden casket. "You know we're supposed to be conducting a mock funeral for the benefit of the millions of Michael Jackson fans that his family has denied them. They got to see the body. Now where's that Michael Jackson impersonator the producer said he hired?"

"Here I am. Sorry I'm late everybody," came a high-pitched voice of the Michael Jackson impersonator -- a Black Michael Jackson from the 1983 "Pepsi Generation" commercial -- as he run through the Staples Center, up to the stage and into the empty coffin. "My bus was late. I've had trouble getting a gig. Not much demand for a Black Michael Jackson. Not even since his death. Not since he turned White, I mean. "

As the Black Michael Jackson impersonator finished crawling into the golden casket, a stagehand gave him a bouquet of red roses placing them on his Sergeant Pepper style jacket.

"Is this made of real gold?" questioned the Black Michael Jackson impersonator of the stagehand. The somewhat startled stagehand hesitantly shrugged his shoulders as he glanced over at an angry Dr. Phil.

"Okay, now," said the Black Michael Jackson impersonator as he sat up looked around and then after saying a few words fell back into the coffin with a thud. "Time for those expensive method acting lessons to pay off. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the late great Michael Jackson."

Dr. Phil walked up to the golden casket still fuming. Looking down into it, he swabbed his index finger across the forehead of the Black Michael Jackson impersonator.

"What the hell is going on here?" said Dr. Phil as he examined his finger, checking it for evidence of facial makeup. "And who in the hell is this?"

"You're not talking to me are you, sir?" whispered the Black Michael Jackson impersonator from the side of his mouth. "Because I'm supposed to be the death body of Michael Jackson."

"The hell you are!" an enraged Dr. Phil. "You're Black!"

"Yes. I know I am," politely replied the Black Michael Jackson impersonator to a potentially racists statement. His eyes closed behind cool mirrored sunglasses. "I'm supposed to be Black. I'm Michael Jackson from the 1983 Pepsi commercial. You know, just before things started getting strange."

Dr. Phil then turned to the Michael Jackson fans in their seats to apologize to them for the Michael Jackson impersonator mix up and any perceived racism on his part.

"Wait!" said a middle-aged White man wearing an original Michael Jackson Thriller Concert Tour t-shirt, as he arose from his seat in the nosebleed section of the sports arena. "Don't you see what Dr. Phil has done for us? By placing the body of a Black Michael Jackson in the coffin instead of a White Michael Jackson, he is telling us that the real Michael Jackson died back in 1983. And that by symbolically burying the Black Michael Jackson here today, we're getting the closure we've been denied for the past 26 years! Isn't that right Dr. Phil?"

"Ah...Umm...Yes, if you'd like," said Dr. Phil as he sat back down in his chair with his arms tightly folded across his chest, slowly dropping his face down into his chin, his eyes darting wildly about from let to right beneath his bushy brows.

"Okay," echoed the director from the Staples Center control booth. "We're coming back from commercial break in three, two, one..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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