Singer Jessica Simpson has finally decided to break her lengthy silence over her split with Dallas Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo. Oddly, she also decided comment on the recent Oscar Mayer Weinermobile crash in a Wisconsin suburb.
As she paced like a wildcat around her kitchen, opening and closing the cabinets and refrigerator door, she told us, " Of course I am shocked that Tony dumped me. That jerk just put me on an astronomical fat trajectory that would have been greatly aided by a well stocked Wienermobile crashing into my mansion. I want to be frank. Tony used to hand deliver me my weiners on demand, all the time, day or night. Now the steamer is running dry and there are no dogs in the house."
"Do you think Oscar Mayer will send out another mobile and will it end up crashing into my kitchen? Maybe they can just have a little old man wheel over a hot dog cart to 'accidentially' bump into my front steps? Do you think he'll have sauerkraut? A girl can have dreams too, can't she? I'm so hungry I can't stand it anymore. I even have a few extra buns on hand. For every pack of hot dogs I have to buy 2 packs of buns and I always get 6 left over. I am so glad I didn't turn them into fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches."
As we left, Ms. Simpson continued babbling on an on about mean Tony and the arrival of the Weinermobile that will never come. We wanted to leave her alone with her dreams of being alone getting fat. If you care, send her a cat and a pack of hot dogs for Christmas.