Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Saturday, 18 July 2009

image for Pamela Anderson Rehearses "Sister Act" for their "Baywatch" Breakout Movie Cameo
Pamela Anderson readies her breasts for their "Baywatch" Movie cameo

Malibu, California - As the Southern California sun slowly rises and there is still a faint mist visible in the air, the shapely silhouette of Pamela Anderson can be seen jogging along the shoreline of Malibu beach.

"I haven't seen her train like that since the 1990s," said an old local fisherman as he cast his line into the crashing ocean waves of the Pacific in the early morning hours. "It's not like she ever had to mind you. I mean she always kept fit and that body of hers tight."

Only it is not her glorious body that Pamela Anderson is training on her early morning jaunts. Rather it is her breasts.

"She talks to them too," said the old fisherman, removing a corncob pipe from his white bearded face. "And you know what? They answer her back."

At first, readily confessed the old fisherman, he thought he was hallucinating.

"Or maybe it was the sound that the wind makes like in a large seashell when you hold up to your ear, I tried convincing myself, " continued the old man as he tightened his fishing line. "But no, it was Pamela and her talking breasts having a conversation. Like she was trying to give them some kind of motivational speech, or something. All I know is I heard raised voices."

The old fisherman said he overheard that conversation again, early this morning.

"That's why I know she's doing a cameo in that 'Baywatch' movie their planning to make. It's no rumor," said the old man. "By golly, you should have heard the way she was talking to those wagging puppies of hers and the back lip they were giving her. I never heard such a raucous in my life."

The old fisherman said that Pamela Anderson had to stop jugging several times on the beach; the argument got so heated between the three of them.

"She'd have to sit awhile and have a serious talk with those magnificent golden globes," said the old man. "Still they wouldn't listen. She'd say to them, 'Okay, girls. Time to give it all you got, just one last time. I Promise.' But they wouldn't have anything to do with it."

Other people out for an early morning jog reported seeing an attractive blonde woman apparently arguing with herself.

"Here in L.A., you see that kind of stuff all the time," said Adam Richards, a homeless man (a comedy writer in Hollywood). "So I really didn't think much of it until she started falling down and yelling at her breasts. But she could have been talking on a cell phone. She was too far away to tell for sure."

Suddenly, the homeless man made the sound of a cell phone ringing out from the side of his mouth.

"Hold on a minute," said the homeless man as he bends down, taking off his shoe and holds it up to his ear. "I got to take this call; it's from my agent."

"It was her breasts," said the old man. "She'd tried to run a few feet and they'd stop her dead in her tracks by pooping out this way and that way, causing her lose her balance as he tried to tuck them back in her bra under her sweatshirt. She even fell to the ground a few times."

However, all that was yesterday as the old fisherman on the beach has since reported things are very different today.

"I heard a muffed sound as she ran passed me this morning," said the old fisherman, smoking his pipe and tightening his line that disappeared into the white crescent waves. "And overheard Pamela speaking down into her chest and say, 'I warned you girls. But you just didn't listen. How do you like that sports bra? Finding it nice and roomy in there, girls?"

"Yeah, I heard the same thing," said the homeless man, still with his shoe to his ear. "They got me on hold."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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