Ultra scathing audition show host, Simon Cowbell, has revealed that he actually is blessed with a couple of talents of his own.
The man who elevated levels of musical and televisual entertainment to a level of utter shite, responded to criticism by the parents of some fat bird from Birmingham who thought she could warble out a fair tune by granting theSpoof.com an exclusive interview.
"There's more to me than a barbed tongue," Cowbell told us. "I don't criticise acts for the sake of it. That fat bird from Birmingham was really shit. She had a voice like a canary being dragged down a razor blade by the bollocks."
Nothing unusual there then, but then Cowbell invited us into the kitchen of his 349 bedroom home on the banks of the Isis, near Eton.
"Watch this," he told us. "This is talent, and the X-Factor all rolled into one..."
Cowbell then took a remote handset and the sound of Booker T And The MG's playing 'Soul Limbo' probably better known as the theme music from BBC cricket coverage filled the available space.
Bizarrely, Cowbell then proceeded to improvise on the tune by playing the spoons. Out of tune. Whilst prancing about like a total prat.
"Don't just sit there lads!" he exclaimed. "Grab some spoons!"
We simply gawked at him. There was no other response really.
So we made our excuses and left the self-obssessed twat to it. Concluding that spoon playing and Spoofery don't quite make comfortable bedfellows.
What a twat.
More as we get it.