MADISON, WI - The woman with the world's largest vagina has cancelled several performances of her wildly successful "World's Largest Vagina Monologues" to honor her dearly departed friend, Oscar G. Mayer.
Mayer is perhaps known best for being able to make his meat last far longer than Viagrin ever could.
Not only was Mayer the third in a long line of Oscar Mayer's whose bologna she swallowed, she said, he also gave her "my first taste" of showbiz.
"Back in the 70's," she explained, "when I was just a little girl with the world's little, itty, bitty, bittiest vagina, Mr. Mayer hired me to sing in one of his commercials. He was a really nice man."
The woman with the world's largest vagina said she has always been happy to ingest whatever Oscar Mayer produces, especially when it comes to a weiner, the way it's "so warm, so firm and plump, dripping with sweet, sticky juices," and the way they "fill up your buns so nicely."
She also admitted she didn't mind cramming his bologna into her face either, even back then, usually several times a week, and sometimes two or three times a day.
She said she still does, and will probably continue to do so despite the fact that he is now deceased.