Written by JP Johnston
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Wednesday, 8 July 2009

image for Fury As Thomas The Tank Engine Goes to War
"Tots Must understand the facts of international terror" - govt

Furious parents are marching on Westminster today to protest the perceived "Militarisation" of children's television, and the "Theft of innocence."

Since MPs voted to introduce the under-five's curriculum, current affairs will be making an appearance in children's television schedules. No, it's not Thomas the Tank yet, but the children's loveable engine is joining the war on terror, to educate tots in the ways of the world, and the mummies and daddies are vewy cwoss.

As part of the new story-lines, The Island of Sodom, so long seemingly immune to the predations of Islamist terrorists, has come under attack, and the railways have, typically, found themselves in the front line. Engine James is destroyed and seventy-eight passengers have been killed by a home-made bomb, and the Fat Controller has vowed that those responsible will be brought to justice. Thomas is co-opted as a troop-transporter, and his cheeky smiles give way to a grim war-face as he chases down the swarthy enemy. In one scene he couriers samples of anthrax under sniper fire, and in another he runs down a fleeing suspect in a darkened tunnel.

One parent, who wished to remain nameless, claimed it insulted the memory of The Rev W Taudrey, author of the Thomas books. "This makes me puke. It makes me heave. I'm retching. Make it stop. It's just yellow stuff coming up. Oooh! Aargh!"

Ringo Starr was thankfully unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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