Encino CA-- Superstar Michael Jackson will finally be laid to rest tomorrow at his family's estate in Encino. Mr. Jackson will be buried under the shade of an old elm tree, next to his testicles 'Lefty' and 'Righty'. Both testicles were ripped off the young Michael Jackson by his father, Joe Jackson, when Michael was only eleven.
Michael Jackson first made his fame long before puberty with 'The Jackson Five'. His soaring high notes stunned the world, but they were in danger of crashing down to Earth with the onset of puberty. Joe Jackson heard a few stories about some Italian opera singers called the castaoratti. The Jackson family patriarch grabbed a pair of scissors, told Michael to come over, and the rest is history.
Strangely, Joe Jackson buried his son's testicles in their own graves. Michael visited the graves often in his adolescence to mourn his loss. Most guys would have gone berserk after losing their testicles. Michael went quietly insane instead.
Joe Jackson never had any regrets about castrating his son. He had lots of other sons to give him grandkids and never felt any guilt about what he had done. And the money kept pouring in, of course.
Michael also lost his regrets as time went by. Michael never had to worry about shaving, getting his balls kicked in, or testicular cancer. He always remembered Lefty and Righty though, and he can now rest in peace next to them.